The need for change

Epiphany (click for a definition)

I've had a few over the last many years but more relevantly I had one last month and one this month.

The first happened last month when I had gotten sick. When I get sick I have a tendency of finally eating well. I know this happens and my intentions to continue in such a healthful manner never seem to stick. That isn't my epiphany. What occurred during and after my epiphany starts with the journey towards such an event last February. I went to the doctor for my annual check up. I mentioned that my heart was starting to feel like it was racing and fluttering. So, she put scheduled in for a ECG and a halter monitor... whatever that is. I called the office a few weeks later only to be told that nothing was wrong. Hmmm...

I didn't buy it 100% but I chalked it up to anxiety. It was mid-winter and a cold snowy one and I had two classes (I'm an itinerant teacher) that were stressful. I suppose I could have pursued this further but I decided I was going to monitor things and go from there.

Skip ahead to summer... My heart was feeling like it was racing even more. No longer was it noticeable upon bedtime. Perhaps, it always was the same, no different from back in February. I perhaps only noticed it during the times of stillness and quiet. That would explain it always happening at bedtime as I've just climbed in and turned out the light. By the end of summer, I could no longer go to sleep on my left. I had people tell me that I shouldn't do that anyways because there's an artery or something that gets cut off. Hmmm... I didn't go an research this. It seemed moot. I decided that I would once again mention this at my next annual check up.

Jump ahead to my illness last month. Dry cough, sore throat with NO inflammation, no fever, no aches other than in the ears. It lasted 2 weeks exactly to the day just as a colleague from another school said she had the same thing and it was exactly 2 weeks for her. But I think I had it worse. I went through 4 or more (I lost count) bags of cough drops, was floating away with drinking so much water in hopes to relieve the coughing, braved Buckley's and discovered that Ibuprofen also works for sore throats due to a dry cough and let's not forget the cankers that resulted from taking so many lozenges! And of course, through all of this, I ate less and more healthfully.

The epiphany occurred several days after this two week illness. I woke up in the morning and realized that I had gone to sleep on my left and no more racing or flutters of the heart!!! WHAT? i felt so calm that very night as I tried it again. I went to sleep on my left which is my favourite position because I sleep on the right side of the bed and I can hug a pillow. What a concept! So... what does this all mean?

I have a theory. Ooooo drum roll please... Could it be the lack of crap food like chocolate and fast food be why I am no longer feeling a racing heart? What a concept! I think deep down I knew this but I was in denial or at the stage of not caring. I think a bit of both. When I was feeling better, I had some chocolate. That very night, my heart started to race when I went to bed and tried to sleep on my left.

I think I need to set up a funeral for Chocolate. OK not exactly a funeral but rather a bon voyage party. Chocolate is a revered visitor but a visitor nonetheless. Chocolate has been a permanent house guest who has overstayed his/her welcome. Nice to get together on occasion but too much of a good thing is not so good! And perhaps, Sodium too! I think Sodium was a permanent house guest too but tended to disappear into the open. Sodium is very good at hiding. His/Her camouflage would shame hunters around the world for he/she could hide right in plain sight! So while Sodium won't exactly get a bon voyage party like Chocolate, he/she is kicked off the property for most of the day!

Be still my beating heart!

The second epiphany occurred only 2 days ago while I was in the shower. Why not blog my journey in case I ever decide to write my story and publish it? What a neat concept!!! So here I am journaling. It will not have any rhyme or rhythm nor will there be any visible continuity or transition from one thought to another. If I commit to word, I must commit to action. And I must remember to start carrying pen and paper so that if I get any more revelations or just general thoughts to discuss, I write them down so that I can blog later.

The point through all of this is this: I AM READY! I am ready to get my health under control and get this excess weight OFF!

Janet Is Hungry: Apple Caramel Dip

Janet Is Hungry: Apple Caramel Dip

I finally found the recipe I was looking for! I had made a photocopy of what a staff member brought in back in the fall but I lost it. I looked high and low on the internet too. And finally I found something! Although it wasn't what she printed out. hehe Oh well.

The point is that I found the recipe :)

Diet Bets

In response to a Daily Blog entry about Diet bets:
www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=betting_on_weight_loss

My friend and I decided to bet $20 per month for 11 months to get lose x # of pounds and whoever did it would get the pot. I thought the number of pounds lost was too much for 11 months knowing my own history of trying to lose weight. She was convinced. I told her at the end of January that I couldn't do it because a) I wouldn't have the money and b) she too could ill-afford the money either since is in debt no thanks to a hubby who is always late on child support.

What's more, it clearly wasn't enough of an incentive for either of us. Even in December she was convinced that we could do it but she didn't lose more than 2 lbs and I haven't lost more than 5.

So we've just let it go. She's clearly not ready and I wasn't until recently. My motivation right now is not so much losing weight but just to move my body. If I can do that, then I know I'm on the right track. I also am focusing on getting good foods. That's all I can manage right now. The added pressure of the # showing on the scale is too much.

What I didn't write with the above comment at the daily blog site was that I am also participating in a Biggest Loser contest at my school. About 15 staff members have joined in. Half the pot goes to the winner and the other half is divided between the first and second runner up. (There are no teams or drop outs). Even thin people joined in just to support every one else which was great.

I haven't moved down much on the scale since we started 5 weeks ago. But what it has done for me is jump start me to move this body and eat better. We end during the fourth week of March. I don't think I"ll be in the top 3 but that's ok. I'm just moving and eating a little better.

Avoided Cake

Tonight, I dragged myself to square dancing. I am very tired tonight and really didn't want to go back out. It was a tough day at school and I was worn out. I toyed with not going but after seeing a couple of ladies at school walking the building for 1/2 hour I knew I had to go because maybe I can be the biggest loser in a month or so. I can't let those ladies win LOL

So tonight was someone's 70th birthday and his wife brought a cake to the dance hall. I didn't eat even one crumb. I had brushed my teeth before going and don't want to brush again. It also helped that it wasn't chocolate. I'll eat white cake but it's not my favourite. So, I didn't have any. And I didn't even get a twinge of want either. Yay me!

Boston Pizza

I am going out to Boston Pizza so I thought to research choices ahead of time. After all, the last time I went there (about 9 months ago) I had one of the worst items you could ever pick. My choice today isn't the best but it is not even the worst either. Calorie-wise, I can live with it but the sodium and fat isn't the best.

I'll also have a side salad. I chose the caesar because I prefer it over garden. In fact, the garden with house dressing is worse than the caesar. And the fries are actually less calories and a bit less fat than the salad but the sodium is much too high especially since I am already having an item that has way too much sodium.

I slept in this morning so I'm having a brunch instead of lunch and breakfast separately. So that should help with my calorie consumption. I am going to see a movie too after supper and I'll be full from food but it will still be hard not to munch on something during a movie.

On a side note, I made it to Curves last night so that makes the third time. So now I can put a check mark under that item for the Renewal Challenge. It has also put me over the amount of minutes planned to do per week. So I upped the minutes by 30 so now I am trying to commit to 120 minutes per week to exercise. I also include shoveling and snowblowing in my minutes because it does burn calories.

Now I have to figure out what i want to do for exercise. Hmmmm, I could walk to the restaurant. It's a 15 minute walk. I'll have to keep an eye out on the temperature. It's -18C right now brrrr so that's a bit nippy.